DIARY

PUMAYAT AKO SA KAKAIWAS KUMAIN WITH THEM :))

dear diary,


a couple of nights ago, nag-away kami ni mama, nagkatampuhan.
meron shang pinapagawa saken when i suddenly yelled at her. ganun kase ako minsan, pagtinotopak, sobrang suplado na, naninigaw pa.

she asked me if pde akong magfried rice kasi masarap daw kainin yung fried chicken and fried rice pag malamig.

sa dalawang plato mo ilagay, di kakasya pag isa lang.

ilang plato ba to sa tingin mo? pasigaw kong sagot.

ayun,na high blood xa, napasigaw din.

eh di wag mo nang i-fried rice yan. wag na!!!

malas pa, nandun mismo si erpats. nagalit. nagsermon at puro sigaw.

aktong linalagay ko na yung rice sa frying pan, kinuha bigla ni erpats yung ginagamit na panlugay ng rice, i dont know what it's called..hehe..

super sermon to the point na umiyak ako. sobrang iyak na ako then pumasok sa room. di ako kumain.

pag gising ko, di ako kumain. di rin ako lumabas ng room.
pag-uwi ko, nakasalubong ko yung mama ko papalabas ng bahay, di ko sya pinansin, sya yung nag-initiate ng conversation...mejo nagmelt din yung heart ko. alam ko naman kasing kasalanan ko rin.

di rin ako kumain ng dinner nung gabing yun, bumili lang ako ng cheesecake para me laman yung chanie ko.haha

***

paggising ko kanina, naligo ako, di na rin nagbreakfast, di rin naglunch kasi dumirestso na ako sa coffee shop para makapag-wifi..

pag-uwi ko kanina mga bandang 4pm, natulog ako then mga 7pm na ako nagising... ayun concerned sila sa ubo't sipon ko...kaya ayun nangayayat talaga ako in 3days, i lovet... me maidudulot din palang siomething good yung tampo tampo ko...hahahha

kaya i started talking to them na kanina. parang friends na ulet kami...haha..


                                                                                                                                        love love love,
                                                                                                                                        toffer

ps: salamat kasi kahit ganto ako, bakla na, suplado pa eh they always try to understand me. ewan, nasanay lang talaga akong ganto... kakaiyak lang, i always dreamt of a family like this pero ngayon ko lang nakuha... sana di nalang ako pinaubaya noong bata ako...sana....

FUCK YOU part 2

i was driving my car when the thought of him entered my mind.

****

i was outside the bar smoking when i saw him. he just got out. he was simple yet stylish. he had eyes that were expressive enough to tell you that he's lonely. he had kissable lips. his chinky eyes had started to drop with his body when i caught him on his shoulders. he was drunk. he was intoxicated. i carried him all the way to my car which i parked several steps outside the bar last night.

i laid him just beside the drivers seat. he smelled like beer mixed with his vanilla scented perfume.

i was driving my way to my apartment yet i cant stop looking at his gorgeous face.

as i lay him to bed, he grabbed my neck and started kissing me. i couldn't contain more of my hard-on. we kissed. we necked. we licked each others nips. we sucked off each others cocks. we fucked. we came. we slept.

as i thought of what had happened last night and earlier today, i couldn't stop myself from smiling.

i was smiling again. the very first time i smiled after the break-up and tears i got from jaime 5 months ago. he was the reason. i just dont know his name,see, he was pretty stubborn for him to introduce himself properly. but i truly know that he was the reason.

his cute face.

his body.

his fuckin stubborn attitude.

they were all the reason.

to be continued...

FUCK YOU part 1

he was awakened by the crackly, squeaky sound my door made just after i went inside the room after showering.

''hey!'' i greeted him while i began to wear my duty uniform that morning.

there was no response.

i looked at him and i wasnt wrong last night. he's cute. he's tall, fair skinned, chinky eyed, baby face. his face showed much of cunfusion as he got up and took a glance of my pad, then he started staring at me while i zip my fly.

''where am i?''he asked.

''seriously?'' i responded with a giggle.

''oh shit..'' he murmured covering his face with a pillow.

''so you get amnesia after waking up with a hang-over huh?''

''what time is it?''

''it's a quarter past 8 and i have to get going, just lock the door after you leave, i dont wanna be late''

''what the fuck!'' he said aloud while he hurriedly grabbed his clothes and started to dress up.

i was about to spray my perfume when he grabbed it from my hand and took a spray from it.

''hmmm, ang bango ah'' he mustered while he smelled my neck and ran out of my room.

i chased him and yelled at him.

''TOPE!''

''what?''

''I'm tope. and. you. are?'' still yelling because he was already downstairs.

''FUCK YOU!!!''he shouted back before he slammed the poor door of my apartment.

''we already did'', said my mind.

i couldnt stop my self smiling after he left. i dont know him but his personality makes me want to. i know, i'll find ways to meet him. someday.

to be continued...

*********************************************************************

this is a story i made last night, hope you like it. it's fiction

tahanan

lakad ako ng lakad.

di ko alam kung san ako dadalhin ng mga paa ko.

bakit ba ako lakad ng lakad? san ba ako papunta? di ba ako uuwi? di ko alam.

sa aking dinaanan, may maliwanag na sulok-sulok, luntian ang paligid, maraming mga bulaklak, masaya ang tanawin. maganda.

* mga birthdays ko, mga christmas, mga newyear, ang pamilya ko, mga minahal ko* ito ang mga naalala ko. nagbigay ito ng ngiti sa aking mga labi.

meron din naman akong nadaanang makitid. madilim. walang kulay. blanko.

naalala ko tuloy ang mga panahong lugmok ako sa problema. yung tipong ayoko nang bumangon pa. yung tipong mas gugustuhin ko pang umalis at di na lumingon.

***naranasan ko na lahat. magyosi, uminom ng sobra sobra, malasing, mag pot, umuwi ng 4am monday-sunday, sumama kahit kanino basta cute,haha, maubusan ng pera, maglayas, ubusin ang alahas ko, lahat lahat ng kabulastugan nagawa ko na***


****

ganun siguro talaga ang buhay, maglakad ka lang ng maglakad,
oo nakakapagod, masakit sa paa, nakakawala ng pag-asa at some point

pero go lang ng go.

lakad ka pa ng konti, konting hakbang pa at makikita mo na ang hinahanap mo.

 

yung magbibigay ng direksyon kung san ka patungo, yung magsasabing isang hakbang na lang

malay mo, baka tulad ko, makita mo na rin ang tahanan mo.

yung tipong ayaw mo na umalis, ayaw mo nang maglakwatsa, dahil higit pa dun ang kasiyahan at pagmamahal na maibibigay niya.

at siya ang magiging dahilan kung bakit gugustuhin mong maging mas mabuting tao

we find better people from better homes

****

belated happy 18th month baby. i want you to know that i'm happy knowing that in every journey of my life, i have you as my home. somebody i could run to everytime i have bad days and somebody i could be with in every championship i've won. i love you.

MY DARK PAST

It was somewhat dim and absolutely cold. Only those two yellow-lighted lamps lit the whole room. The room was big and so was the bed. I excused myself and went to the comfort room which by the way was almost ¼ as big as the room. It was my first time then to see a glass covered cr. It was elegant. It was daring. Anybody inside it couldn’t hide anything for it was transparent from the outside.  It also had a mirror covered wall.

I took my time. I took my contact lenses out of my eyes and started cleaning it with my lens solution. I, then washed my hair and soaped my body while the water for the shower kept pouring. My mind snapped and had started thinking about what to do with the situation. It was the first moment that i thought of things clearly despite the influence of alcohol.

I knew the moment i stepped out of the cr that i was up to something not right.

*****

I did not like him the first time i saw him. He was arrogant. He ignores me as if i wasn’t with him. He’s full of himself. However, i still made myself civil by smiling. We were with my boyfriend (my ex), and another friend of theirs. We had a few drinks over. Their other friend went home early leaving the three of us hailing a taxi. We went to the bar and started dancing for it was a Saturday night.

We drank a lot of beer-shits and being a person with less-tolerance with alcohol, i got very drunk. I looked at the ledge and i saw my lover dancing like hell. I was so drunk that i felt my face was very numb and very thick. Somebody from my back suddenly hugged me and as i opened my falling eyes, i saw him. i laid my head on his shoulder. I smelled his perfume which made me hug him back. He smelled nice. I stood up and found ourselves hugging each other. I smelled him over and over while we danced.  He was asking me if i was okay, if i was that drunk, if i wanted to drink more. i asked him to get me a bottle of vodka which he did.  While i was alone dancing somebody grabbed my arms and whispered ‘’ tope, you’re drunk already, he’s taking advantage of you’’, i realized, it was my lover.

Too drunk i just answered him back with a ‘’huh?’’. He got mad and headed to the dance floor again while his friend came back. He was back with my vodka and we kissed. It was strange. It was wrong but it felt so right. I didn’t like him a while ago, but that moment i guess i was starting to like what he was doing.



4am, and my lover approached me. He wants us to rest. He told me to ask DOT if he wants to come with us. We hailed a cab and went to a nearby INN.

*****

As i lay my body on the bed, i just couldn’t stop looking at his face. His eyes were closed but i knew he was awake. I kissed him and he kissed me back. I took a look at my boyfriend at the edge of the bed and found him sleeping. We went back with what we’re doing and after a few minutes, my boyfriend got up and joined us. THE THREE OF US DID IT.

*****

My boyfriend and i broke up a month after.
his friend and i got closer and we went out several times.
but he was still in love with his ex leaving what we have,hanging.
i then found out that my boyfriend likes him very much.

my boyfriend and i eneded up fighting and up to this moment he is still bitter with me.

the three of us ended apart. nobody got to have a relationship with anybody.

*****


i used to be very bad. i used to. good thing after everything, i learned.

good thing, i now have my von.